What might have been lost?

Listening to:The Wolves Act I & II-
---by Bon Iver

Wow, So its been Like two months or more since I last wrote.
I'm terrible at things like these...
Where to begin?
Well How about somewhere that I left off?!
Yes, that sounds like a good idea.

Two days from now I'll have been home for a year.
What the heck happened to my year?! Seriously, its gone.
Things are so very different from last year too.
Somethings are good, and others...not soo good.
BUT! Christmas is right around the corner. And I haven't done any shopping yet...
I fail sometimes at life. haha or rather present shopping on-time.

Family is different. Lots of things have changed this year.
Sam and Jen are doing good! Baby is growing up so fast! And i still love being with him every waking moment! He has been my joy despite all the Chaos.
Makela and Brook finally got engaged!!!
So exciting!! I now have to weddings to try and be the Maid of Honor for in the same year! Yikes!
Andrew is moving back to Ephrata with Mom and Maile...which leaves me and Dad here in this big ol' house all alone. Its funny to think that after all this time, and our differences, that Dad and I would end up together without anyone else to buffer out all our stuff. But at the moment I'm looking at it as a God-thing. I don't know what else it could be.

Billy is awesome. Can I just gloat about my boyfriend for a bit?!
He's amazing :) We're both doing very good, and are very much attached to one another! haha

I'm excited for a new year to start soon. A new year brings new propositions. And for this next year, I have many! I feel bad for not doing any of the ones that I previously had made for 2009, but I feel 2010 is going to be an entirely different story. Why? It just does!!!

What Am I doing right now?! I have no idea. I'm still working random weekends at the coffee shop, and still watching baby full time. I'm hoping to move in with Sam and Jen once Makela moves out after she gets married, but thats a long ways away. I want to move back to Ephrata for next summer, but am just not sure yet. I want to make sure that I'm ready to go, you know? I don't feel quite ready to leave Seattle yet. Too much that I know and love here. But the plus side of moving, is being away from the business of the city, and getting to be near Billy, and my Bestie Christinie. I want nothing more than to have a relaxed, laid back summer. One of those summers that you just love and look back upon all nostalgic.

But most importantly, I want what the Lord has for me.
I have not been fully seeking Him on what to do with my life as of late. I have kinda just been on auto-pilot with it all. I have no real emotion or feeling as to whats happening in my life. I'm just existing. And thats never a good thing. Too many people in this World, and life just exist. We weren't meant to exist, we were meant to live! And Live I shall!

I feel bad that this whole thing has no real significance to anything at all.
I'm sick, and tired. That maybe why this sounds all off!
But I will get better at blogging more often, and more clearly too!