What might have been lost?

Listening to:The Wolves Act I & II-
---by Bon Iver

Wow, So its been Like two months or more since I last wrote.
I'm terrible at things like these...
Where to begin?
Well How about somewhere that I left off?!
Yes, that sounds like a good idea.

Two days from now I'll have been home for a year.
What the heck happened to my year?! Seriously, its gone.
Things are so very different from last year too.
Somethings are good, and others...not soo good.
BUT! Christmas is right around the corner. And I haven't done any shopping yet...
I fail sometimes at life. haha or rather present shopping on-time.

Family is different. Lots of things have changed this year.
Sam and Jen are doing good! Baby is growing up so fast! And i still love being with him every waking moment! He has been my joy despite all the Chaos.
Makela and Brook finally got engaged!!!
So exciting!! I now have to weddings to try and be the Maid of Honor for in the same year! Yikes!
Andrew is moving back to Ephrata with Mom and Maile...which leaves me and Dad here in this big ol' house all alone. Its funny to think that after all this time, and our differences, that Dad and I would end up together without anyone else to buffer out all our stuff. But at the moment I'm looking at it as a God-thing. I don't know what else it could be.

Billy is awesome. Can I just gloat about my boyfriend for a bit?!
He's amazing :) We're both doing very good, and are very much attached to one another! haha

I'm excited for a new year to start soon. A new year brings new propositions. And for this next year, I have many! I feel bad for not doing any of the ones that I previously had made for 2009, but I feel 2010 is going to be an entirely different story. Why? It just does!!!

What Am I doing right now?! I have no idea. I'm still working random weekends at the coffee shop, and still watching baby full time. I'm hoping to move in with Sam and Jen once Makela moves out after she gets married, but thats a long ways away. I want to move back to Ephrata for next summer, but am just not sure yet. I want to make sure that I'm ready to go, you know? I don't feel quite ready to leave Seattle yet. Too much that I know and love here. But the plus side of moving, is being away from the business of the city, and getting to be near Billy, and my Bestie Christinie. I want nothing more than to have a relaxed, laid back summer. One of those summers that you just love and look back upon all nostalgic.

But most importantly, I want what the Lord has for me.
I have not been fully seeking Him on what to do with my life as of late. I have kinda just been on auto-pilot with it all. I have no real emotion or feeling as to whats happening in my life. I'm just existing. And thats never a good thing. Too many people in this World, and life just exist. We weren't meant to exist, we were meant to live! And Live I shall!

I feel bad that this whole thing has no real significance to anything at all.
I'm sick, and tired. That maybe why this sounds all off!
But I will get better at blogging more often, and more clearly too!

Octobre.

How in the World did all this time fly by sooo fast!
A year ago I was waltzing around in the Yorkshire Dales in England.
And now I'm here in America...doing nothing! Haha, or rather I feel like it.
Fall is here and it is so very beautiful :)
I missed the Pacific Northwest fall last year. The way the Sumac, and the maple trees leaves turned orange, and yellow first. While all the evergreen stayed...green...haha.
Such a beautiful combination. I got plenty of rain over the pond. Didn't miss that one bit! But I did get all nostalgic about how when it rains, no matter where I am, I think of Seattle.

Life here in Seattle has changed, and I will admit is weird and hard to adjust.
My life of lately has been busy, crazy, hectic. I'm still working at Tully's and moving onto Lead Barista. But along with working 30hrs a week with Tully's, I'm also nannying for my brother and sister. My sweet baby nephew Kai, who turns 3 months next week! My how time flies...But that takes up another 30 hrs of my week. So I feel like I don't have much time for myself...But I know I need and can make more time as well. I'm moved into the new house with Andrew, and my Dad. It looks great! Its weird to be away from the Lake after all the years, but the forest behind the house is a nice change. Maile and my Mom are on the East side most of the time. Someone needs to take care of the house on that side, so my parents commute. ALOT.
Makela has moved out and in with Sam and Jen. So now I will see even less of her now. But hopefully once she gets engaged we'll get to spend more quality sister time together! So many things have changed this past two months...haha I have a boyfriend now too :) Old, old friend from middle school. Long story, but sweet. Life is good, and weird at the same time.

I got a phone call from a friend whose going to be helping me in my home-made soap making ventures. And also have another friend who is gonna teach me how to sew. I have a huge list of things that I'd like to get done this fall, or rather attempt to do at all! I want to start canning alot more as well. Painting and writing more is a must as well. I hope to get out and explore the NW alot more this fall. As this may be my last one here...There's so much that I have yet to see. I've been here 5 years now, and have little to show for the things i've done and places I've been.
But still...i've got 5 months to do things! This month is almost already flown by...I wish time would truly, really, stand still for a moment. Only to let me catch up! But time moving fast is a good thing at the same time. No one truly likes to be sedentary.

Deactivation.

Tonight I deactivated my Facebook. For the last time...haha at least I think.
Tooo much distraction happens in life in general...I don't need anymore!
And I'm finding with that, I now have sooo much free time! haha I won't spend countless hours online looking from profile to profile, creeping from picture to picture. And its such a freeing feeling. I don't really know what to do know...I need some input and Ideas of what to do with my new found spare time...PLEASE! Think of something that you'd like me to do, attempt, take a stab at. Hobbies please...but I'll try those "everyone has to do it once" kind of things too. ;)

A Stubborn Mind, is a selfish mind

Don`t hesitate to speak Your Mind… (speak Your Mind)
Never hesitate to speak Your Heart… (speak Your Heart)
They`ll call You crazy, When You speak Your Mind… (When You speak Your Mind)
So never, Never hesitate… (never hesitate
Sang by the ever great Brett Dennen


Speaking your mind.
Amendment 1: Freedom of religion, speech, press, and assembly; the right to petition the government.

Do we forget that we have a voice?
Do we forget that we have the freedom to speak our minds?
Not in anyway to impose upon other peoples beliefs, but we do have a right.

Often I get scared, intimidated to speak my mind to others.
Most often about my faith, those whom I work with, play with, fellowship with.
Recently I've gotten the privilege to speak with others about my thoughts, and beliefs. People whom I don't necessarily get the chance to speak to about such things. And even though there was no divine revelation to anyone, I feel good about what I said. And with saying it, I feel more empowered to speak my mind more often. I don't like talking religion. I don't like talking about politics,world issue, latest diets, fashion trends, ect. Things that don't really add up in the end. However, i do like to connect with people. But not to connect to agree with them, but to connect to understand one another. My conversation with people needs to be more open. I'm learning that just because I was raised to think a certain way, or speak a certain way, means that I have to act that way. You will never reach anyone if you come across thinking that you are/know better than them. You can't.
The ways of approaching someone is selflessly. You can have a pre-determinded mindset, but allow others opinions make you think. Its good for exercising your own belief. We get stuck in one way soooo often. It starts to blind out the others around us. We are then stuck with a single notion, and I'm finding, is often not a right one.
If we are willing to listen, learn from others around us, we will be able to be more of an impact later. Our pre-determind judgments on others are also a big no-no.
By forcing our thoughts, and ways on one another will not establish peace or justice. We have to learn to embrace one another in love. Not embrace one another with the notion that "I can make them see like me". As soon as you get that out of your head, the easier speaking your mind to others will be.
Be forgiving when you speak, learn to listen, not to reply.

In the end I have found that what i believe certainly isn't what others do. But does not mean that I shouldnt be friends with them, or talk to them. You may not come to a general consensus on things, but learning to listen to someone else, just for the sake of listening is a beautiful thing. For once try to be the one that has nothing back to say...Be open minded about what is being said to you. Be considerate of others.

When in Ripon, England...

A picture of mine was posted and used for a traveling website in England.
If you're ever planning a trip, go to this website! It'll help ya figure everything out! Giving you great ideas for traveling!

It's beginning to look alot like FALL!

So fall is slowly, but fastly approaching?! Don't know if Fastly is a word but today it is. Some people hate that I'm saying that already! summer isn't technically over for another month...but if feels like it already! So with that said, I just have to say that I LOOOVE Fall. Having been in England last year, I feel like i missed it. I had a beautiful one there, but its not the same. The Great Northwest has something different to offer on seasons. Outdoor Beauty. And I missed it.
But most of all...i love dressing like fall! I love it!
Scarfs, and jackets, and boots. They are my favorite!
So i found a few things that I decided I cant live without this fall...and needed to share!

Green Mandarin Jello with Bon Iver

I love Jello.

Okay. Life is good.
I'm sitting here about 12:20 in the morning eating some jello my sister and her boyfriend made, and just loving life.
Loving life is something that seems hard to do all the time.
Which is why i don't haha.
But along with me is Bon Iver.
Who seems to reflect a depressing glow upon someone who is loving life, but i'm not bothered for some reason.

How can i be with green jello!
ha. And to top it all off got to talk for a couple hours with my bestie, Matthew.
Who is currently in Israel. I love him <3.>
So the moods good right now. Which is nice.
I don't know why i even blogged about this at all.
Just wanted to share a little thing, yet again that makes life grand! Green Mandarin Jello accompanied with Bon Iver. Specifically Blood Bank. mm mm mmm grood. Special love to you.

Welcome Baby!

Today my nephew was born! Kai Benjamin Kaleohano.
He was 7lbs. 10oz. and oh soo cute!
He is the most precious thing ever...(of course I'm being biased)
I just had to share with all the world!
Jen is doing great! She did amazing, and is feeling well.
Sam is even better! PTL for His grace on us.
Even through childbirthing :)
Pictures to come soon!
Blessings to you

I have much to be thankful for in this life.
And yet so many times, and in so many ways do I not show it.
Above all the one thing that I should be most thankful for is the Cross.
I know a song that describes just the way I feel this very moment, and think if appropriate to share.

To the cross I look, to the cross I cling
Of its suffering I do drink
Of its work I do sing

For on it my Savior both bruised and crushed
Showed that God is love
And God is just

At the cross You beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees, and I am
Lost for words, so lost in love,
I’m sweetly broken, wholly surrendered

What a priceless gift, undeserved life
Have I been given
Through Christ crucified

You’ve called me out of death
You’ve called me into life
And I was under Your wrath
Now through the cross I’m reconciled

In awe of the cross I must confess
How wondrous Your redeeming love and
How great is Your faithfulness

I miss England.

I love England Alot.
Have I mentioned that before?
I don't know if I have, but I really do.
And miss it so much right now.

Everything about it! The way it smells, which is strangely unpleasantly, pleasant?
The way it's oldness makes you feel like you're someplace really special.
Adele sings a song about her Hometown, which is Ironically London. Or South Lond.
haha. To get the two confused could be consequential to someone. She sings about London in all its glory.
Totally makes me think of England and how much I miss it right now! So I thought I'd share a few photos from my memories for you to enjoy!

Currently-
Listening to: All is full of Love//Bjork

Okay, I know two post in a day. But I love my new Tully's mug!

More than oneself.

Day after day I drag myself to work thinking that I'm the only one in the world who hates me life.
With that said, I need to re-cap. I don't "hate" my life. It just seems so complicated at times.
Just recently was I diagnosed with a mild-case of Intestinal Ulcers.
They are of pain like no other, and make my entire body basically functionless...I just made up a word.
But, still I have much to be thankful for, right?
Right. Point proven this morning.
I was sitting around at work mopping about how much I wish I could be doing/going somewhere else in life.
Thinking about nothing really.
I believe adults call it Daydreaming. Something I do ALOT.
Yet I see no wrong or shame in it.
Anyways...Everyday this elderly couple walks into my shop.
Helen and Don. They appear to be about 70-75. Though Helen likes to be thought of as hip and probably wouldn't like me saying she's 70-75 when she really might be 60. But I don't think that I'm that far off...
Well, Don recently became completely blind. He can't see a thing. Helen is his eyes.
And she forever will be. She will forever, or the rest of their lives, be taking him gingerly, by the hand and leading him to where he needs to go, and where he needs to be. Always. He cannot do anything by himself.
And she doesn't complain about it at all! Taking care of oneself seems hard enough, but two people is different. Let alone someone who is completely incapable of even sitting themself without someone's arm to lean on.
Today watching Helen lead Don to his chair made me realize. I have much to be thankful for. I waste so much of my time getting angry, and upset at the stupid little things that all the big stuff that's important just passes me by.
The big stuff is seeing there is more to life than yourself. There are many others around you who aren't able to think of themself only. Like Helen who waits hand and foot on her husband. Not because she wants to but because she has too. But within that responsibility, she stills looks only to him. She watches his face for an expression that means all the world to her. His love for her will never go away. Even though he can't see her, he still thinks she's the most beautiful woman in the world. He told me so the other day.

Why do we always speed ahead?

As a child I remember always wanting to be older, thinking older, wanting to look older.
I wanted to be all 'growed up' just like mom and dad.
But there came a day that when I didn't even realize it, but I was no longer a little kid.
Things moved faster, life was more confusing. I didn't really get to enjoy some monumental transition of changing from a child to and adult. It all happened too fast!!
And now I'm looking back and wanting, longing for my childhood.
That's just how we tend to be. Way too excited for life and growing up when were little, but then as we
get older wish to be young again! crazy...

And so through these times, I've been thinking about what makes life more enjoyable now, for me as an adult.
Even though, I still feel like I'm a little kid at times, I feel like I appreciate the little things more. Just like a child would. And I think we can all do that not only to bring us back to childhood, but to help us just appreciate life a little more.

Just a quick example, I was at the park the other day walking the dog-Kona, and saw a couple little girls chasing butterflies. The innocence of chasing butterflies. As a little kid I'd try, try and try to catch one. But to no avail I wouldn't. I watched these girls chase the poor winged creature for a few minutes until one of the touched the end of its wing. She began ecstatic. Jumping and running and shouting " I touched it! Mommy, I touched a butterfly!"
I began to smile as I watched the joy over pour her. It seemed like her little body might just float off into the air she was so excited! And to think how much more she would have been if she'd caught it!
Whoa.

So yea, I've learned a lesson. I can pay attention to the little things in life. The here and now, and not always have to reach for what I cannot grab, but just look to at least 'touching' what is in front of me. And even at a touch, I can still enjoy it very much. Don't speed through this life. You will one day look back and wish that you hadn't. Embrace everyday to the fullest.